Minor Disappointment for the day....

Since I have been grounded in this thing called dissappointment in life and what life brings at you but yet we are to embrace them and get past it. But there has been a few today and I just don't want to sit here in a pity party because God is too good and too big for that but I must get them off of my mind to that I can move past it and stop dwelling on it. First off, amazing day and God led!!! No doubt about that, I found out mid-afternoon that I got accepted to DAllas theological Seminary which has been a blessing, a joy, and just pure excitement....yet when I tried to share my joy with my mother she just wrote back in an email that she was excited spiritually  (which I am don't quite get that because she has never seen my faith as something important to me or to her) but then she had the odasity (i dont know how to spell that but I wanted to put it to sound smart :) to just give her two cents worth of how she is not going to help financially (which I knew) and then she didn't even return my phone call to celebrate with me. I just don't understand it, I just don't get how a mother that says she loves her daughter to much that she can't just be happy for me for once in her life without money on her mind......why? So this mentality led to another disappointment that I didn't even have anyone here to celebrate with me or to laugh with me or to jump up and down with me. Because for once in my life I feel like I am hearing God's voice in my life and I am allowing Him to direct me and I am actually following. All I really wanted was someone to jump up and down with me and scream or act like those people on those cell phone commercials where they just dance absolutely crazy. Yep I wanted to be that person today. So why did I put such an expectation....actually I didn't have an expectation on the whole situation because I really didn't know I was oging to get accepted,  but since I have finally realized that I worth something only through Christ, it just kind of stunk that I didn't have someone to share in my joy with me. All honor given to God because I know that this is hand working here and I have no intentions in complaining because I am beyond blessed but I guess what I am getting at is that.....I want someone to share in the joy with me ;)   Hard to explain like everything else in my mind so please ask if you are not clear or I sound like a spoiled brat because that is not my intention at all. Oh and I got a job today!!!!!!!! Sweet!!!!!!!!!

Currently Reading The Irresistible Revolution: Living as an Ordinary Radical By Shane Claiborne see related

This one's for Danielle Kenealey....

I have had a request to update my life on here from the wonderful Miss Danielle Kenealey (might be spelled wrong...sorry ).  As I look back on my last post I see how God was preparing me for what was ahead even though it has only been three weeks. God has completely transformed my view on who His character is and the picture of grace. He has guided me through the book of James and Hebrews. And yet I just want to keep reading it over and over again because I know there is a lot that I do not get in both of the books. But the book of Hebrews has changed my life and has set it on a path that is unexplainable to most people. The Lord has me in Texas for a reason and I knew He did and so each day I have learned how important it is to fight for the Lord's mentality for your life....meaning, I have to fight for why the Lord has me here because it is a complete battle some day and some days its not. But since I have been going on this journey for some time (I feel like it) its becoming more a way of life rather than a duty. How many people hvae felt that being a christian is a duty in this world that we must do since we once accepted salvation??? I know of a lot of peole including myself and that is completely diminished. I have found the freedom in Christ and him alone and the desire to abide by His word and to know it more has became so alive to me and majestic. SERIOUSLY!! I love the way the Lord literally took me out into the wilderness and spoke tenderly to me and has placed such a firm foundation inside my soul that entails joy, peace and love. My joy is restored in Him and Him alone once again. Since it has been restored, even on the hard days, he has provided people, sermons, books, His word to encourage me through this. Its amazing how you can leave such a neat community and be placed in another one and grow that much more. So back to the book of Hebrews: READ IT!! It will change your view on grace and how alive the Word of God is! But then again now that I see how important it is to come to God out of reverence to him and how important it is to go to the thrown of grace each day and ask for guidance it has built that fighting mentality up inside of me that never wants to let go of how much God is working inside of my soul right now. It is so hard to put into words what the Lord has done and is still going to do. But I pray, I PRAY that it will be reflected in my life and the old me is gone and the Lord keeps chizzling away and the old and keep revealing what was originally there and sin just covered it up.

some highlights while I hve been here other than the friends I have made: ther eis an amazing church here that I am pumped to start getting involved with, got to see the dallas mavs practice at UNT, a lot of alone time but good time with the Lord, the restoration of my sould which equals joy, learning that there is no bad or good days just days filled with grace (john piper), the Lord is slowling developing a different view on dating....a lot more fun one so I am excited about that, I got a new car but no job yet but I wouldnt take this season away for anything, went camping, met an old drunk guy and he came to church with us, had a divine appointment with Kerbi's (one of my good friends here) roommates who was struggling and the Lord used my spiritual gifts to bless her by giving me a vision of how she was feeling deep down and the Lord blessed her! man the list is endless because I finding out that there is amazing things to discover in this world you just have to step out and experience it!!!!

I don't think I can completely describe this empty but peaceful feeling that is going on inside of me. I am in a new place, a friend, no job, living literally in a room with a small kitchen and a bathroom which is kind of crazy, no car, enough money to get me by for alittle while and thoughts of what the heck am I doing. I don't think I have gotten to the point of turning around and saying screw this idea because there is a hope inside of me that I am here for a reason and that I must be patient to see what that is. I have a feeling that this time in my life is going to be extremely defining because for once I have no idea what in the world is next, NO IDEA. Its a freaken scary place to be and right now I probably would give anything to be around the people I love....due to the vision that I feel the Lord has for my life, i must stay and see where it leads, you just never know where life will lead. I do pray that one day I will be surrounded by the ones I love the most in Kansas City. I feel like this whole xanga posting is pointless because I cannot put anything into words to explain where i am in life. I am trying to let go of a lot of deep pain and hurt caused by my mother but I find that it effects my attitude in every aspect because I long so much to have a great relationship with her. But then I have also taken on the mentality that this is a new beginning and no one really knows me here, so I can be anyone I want to be, and hopefully in this process I will truly find out who God has been creating me to be. Even with this mentality I find myself just hurting because of the things I hold onto back home. But I MUST get to a breaking point and go on with my life and truly realize that Christ has gone before me and has something here for me. For those of you back home know that you are greatly missed and love ya'all so much! Its bittersweet, I wish ya'all were here with me!

Currently Listening In the Reins By Iron & Wine, Calexico He lays in the Rain see related

Well i should probably give an update on good ole Iowa....oh yes iowa...no cali for me. Which when I have time i sit and think why the heck did i not go to cali and live that life up. but lastnight at this midweek worship that i go to called immersion...the series has been called "wait" thats it...wait....it blew me away when i went there my second week from being back in iowa. this church body is amazing and the spirit it so apparent there and i know god is doing big things through it. Anyways that was a side note. But lastnight the speaker talked about everything that i prayed about before the service. he gave numerous bible stories of joshua and caleb and paul and silas and just how they were men that waited on god with eager anticipation. how many times do we get frustrated with god when he makes us wait or becomes silent to us. but the truth is, it happened in the biblical times that we read about. these men had no idea what was going to happen next but they waited with joy and excitement and eager anticipation knowing that god was going to do something huge!!! and he did!!!!! If you read the stories in daniel and acts 16 you will be blown away with what god did. also the speaker kept reinforcing the fact of life is that its not ours...its not our story to tell but by the grace of god we can allow him to use us in his story!!!!!!

needless to say I have the been the grouchy, why the heck am i hear kind of mentality that pass couple of weeks and I hate being this person. But i have felt so alone and abandoned and in a game with the wrong directions and nothing makes sense in my life. But God is still good and I know that even though I cannot see or hear Him right now. I long so much to see the miracles and great things He is going to do through my life. The things is is that I must let go of my life and the things that I get eager about and never get. But how do you do that...how?????  The speaker lastnight really encouraged us to pray pray with all that we have that God will show us a vision and a dream as to what we are suppose to allow God to do with and through our lives!!!

check out this website.....www.acrosswalk.com .....its about this guy who had a dream from God 3 times to walk from iowa to NY, then from iowa to The canadian border and then Iowa to tx and then Iowa to Cali....and pray for our nation because God showed Him that our nation was in need of repentance.....DO I HEAR AN AMEN!! its such a neat story and get this, this guy is like in his 60's. Its pretty tight!